Thursday, January 25, 2007

Canadian Santa 2006

Note to Self: I am Santa

December is the time of year when I impersonate Santa Claus by request of the village daycare centre for the express purpose of simultaneously deceiving, entertaining and confusing children of pre-school age. It's not a job that I'm proud of, but it affords me a brief window of time in which I can make-believe that I am more important than I really am.

This year I was greeted in the doorway by an image of myself, so I entertained a naive hope that I would be held in high honour during my visitation.

Canadian Santa Mugshot

However, like every other year, it was into the closet with me until the "right moment." During this waiting period in the closet I always feel like Matt Foley drinking coffee down in the basement. When I am finally allowed out of the closet I make my way outside in stocking feet to the back door of the assembly hall where I say "Ho ho ho!" and knock. The younglings scream, and an apparently startled adult opens the door for me. At this point no one knows what to do so usually one of the teachers starts to interview me. It's always a bit tricky settling on a language for these interviews because English definitely makes for a more legitimate Santa Claus but it considerably impedes communication. Usually the interview closes with a Q & A session, and this year the yellow name-tags (i.e. four year-olds) got so excited that they stormed the stage. They shouted a great many things at me which I had a hard time hearing, but finally one girl broke through the security cordon and squeaked: "a sparkling frilly dress that's pink!" Ahh, so they were confusing Q & A time with "Dear Santa" time. I looked thoughtfully at the Santa's sack that the daycare centre had issued me and said: "hmm, I'm not sure if I have any of those in here." True enough. I honestly had no clue what was in that bag. But as the little girl was being dragged away she shouted: "they have them at Maeda Store in Mutsu!" Sorry kiddo, but Santa ain't a sovereign power in your local jurisdiction. He takes orders from the "powers that be," just like every one else.